I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
