you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
