sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
