Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
