so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
