Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
