drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
