u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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