i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
