I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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