no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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