Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
