the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
