you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
