So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
