do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
