She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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