I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
