That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
