My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
