Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
