Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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