Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is wine microwaveable?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
