32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
