You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
