yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
