id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
