So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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