Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
