I wish I could punch you in the face.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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