The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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