honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
