Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
