It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
