I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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