i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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