I faked an abortion last night.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
