i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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