I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
