I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
