first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
