Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
