Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
