Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
