my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You don't make any sense
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