I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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