Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
