using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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