it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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