i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
