ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize