I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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