Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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