I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
