Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
