well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
