Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
