He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
