i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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