So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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