We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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