You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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