My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
