i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
