I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
