she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
