I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize